Almost a year ago, we found out the Army would be moving us. While we didn’t immediately know where we were going (Arkansas? New York? Washington?), I was excited to go. We all know how the mystery location worked out and we’ve been living on Long Island for almost ten months now. Lately though, I’ve been feeling not quite homesick but something along those lines.
It’s odd that this feeling has hit me now. In the last few months, I’ve expanded my social circle a bit. I’ve gotten friendly with some of the moms through the kids’ school thanks to the weather being finally being nice enough for playdates. I’ve been invited to a book club. Sophia is registered for kindergarten and Jack will be returning to pre-school in the fall. We’ve really settled into our life here but there’s still that nagging feeling that I can’t shake.
We’ve been back to New Jersey several times in just the past five months and we have several other trips scheduled. Besides the longing for good food and free babysitters, we don’t have a longing to be “home”. We don’t consider New Jersey to be our home anymore. But I can’t say we consider Long Island to be our home either.
There is a lot of upheaval with Tim’s position within the brigade. He’s been moved around so often in the ten months we’ve been here, especially in the last three months, that it’s been difficult to establish any type of community. In February I traveled to North Carolina for Army training to help establish a family readiness group at the brigade only to come home and find out Tim would be moving to a battalion and I would have a separate group of people to work with. That move took months to go through and when it did, it lasted two weeks before he was moved somewhere. It’s frustrating not knowing where we belong. On top of that, there’s a possibility of another reassignment in the fall or winter if Tim is promoted.
It’s this weird limbo of being a king without a country that feeds this not quite homesick feeling. I wouldn’t say any of us are miserable here. It’s a place that meets our basic needs but it hasn’t “wowed” us either. We often feel like the outsiders because it is such a nuanced place. I never expected every place we lived in to be a home run. I’m also always fighting off the idea of looking forward to where we’ll end up next. I don’t think there’s anything to do to rectify this feeling either. So for now, I’ll just accept it as a stage in this unique life we’re living.