As part of my general plan to stay healthy and also to ward off anxiety and the winter blues, I’m at the gym two to three times a week. I don’t follow a set workout routine or program. I usually do some cardio that gets me sweating and then I finish up with some weight training. Neither of these things requires a lot of mental effort on my part so I’m left with my thoughts, which leads to some deep thoughts.
“I’m totally going to crush this run today!”
I always start out with such high and completely unrealistic hopes.
“I bet I’ve burned 2,000 calories in the past ten minutes. That means lots of snacks today!”
A little bit of sweat and labored breathing always leads to this thought which is always followed by reality…
“75 calories?! This treadmill is fucked up. I didn’t put my weight in either so it’s just an estimate. I’m sure I’m closer to 150 calories.”
“Phew! I should be closing in on 2 miles by now.”
Yes because I should be able to run two miles in nine minutes after sitting on my ass for the last six months.
“.75 miles in seven minutes?!”
“Oh! I figured out the next plot point/blog post I need to write. I’m a genius!”
Of course I never save these ideas on my phone so they’re always lost.
“This is my jam!”
“And so is this one!”
“And this one!”
“Ew! That Joey Buttafuoco look-a-like is looking in my direction. Do not make eye contact! DO NOT make eye contact!”
“People, you need to learn the unspoken rule of personal space on the treadmills.”
This is after someone gets on the treadmill right next to mine when there are a gazillion other ones open.
“Oh thank God I’m almost at two miles!”
Eventhough I’ve been walking for the last half mile.
“Yes! My jam!”
I hit the two mile mark…
“I’ll stop after this song is done.”
Song is done but mileage is at 2.11 a completely ridiculous number to stop at…
“I’ll stop after I reach 2.25 miles.”
“I love this song!”
Somehow I get off of the treadmill and I hit the weights.
“I’ll just bump up the weight five pounds from my last workout.”
Two reps later…
“Nope. Nope. Nope.”
The college kids roll in…
“Who wears Abercrombie & Fitch to the gym? Is that even a popular brand still?”
“Dude, you have way too much hair product in your hair for the gym and 7:30 in the morning.”
“Yeah Joey B wanna-be, I am going to do leg presses and yes, you’re super obvious with your staring.”
“Oh! That girl’s outfit is super cute.”
“I’m making myself some bacon and eggs when I get home. It’s got protein and it’s low carb…it’s practically health food.”
“Oh thank God I’m done!”
Walking out of the gym…
“I rocked this workout.”
“Oh! This is my jam!”